I’ll rarely have conversations longer than 2 minutes with most family members. This is because I don’t enjoy small talk. I either dive fully in or just be quiet. People that have met themselves deeply and can allow soe vulnerability are my type of people.
Either my headphones are on full blast, I am reading a book or just sat and not engaged. There are topics I can engage, it doesn’t have to specific it could be random but let’s not have a convo where we are discussing others flaws and not our own. I would prefer to be silenced by you speaking to me mentioning my weaknesses definitely in a decent tone. I have wanted to talk about several phases of my life, but I definitely got a different set of parents. All through childhood, teenage years and adulthood.
It gets to a point where you are the only one you can only depend on yourself to yourself through it. I waited for them to notice; I gave signs but one thing I know is that they all saw it but decided not to do anything. I wanted assurance so bad. I needed support so much and not just in academics although even those promises were always fake.
I have wanted a bike for myself as a kid. I was promised if I was first position they’d buy me one. I’d top some subjects and got to position two one time. Our position one guy was beaten only once since the 4years I joined that school. I never got anything substantial, just some lunch and some swimming. It was something for sure, I won’t sound disrespectful and ungrateful. To this day I want a bike and I will get myself that bike in my mid-twenties. A decade later. This applies to a phone a laptop.
I had an elder brother who was bought for new stuff and when they broke down or he had enough money to buy his, I would get the old ones. I am so used to using used stuff and I feel a barrier in me. I save enough to get one. Then something happens and I can’t there fully. I need to grow my wings. I can get this life myself and live on my own.
Day by day I keep striving, business isn’t easy. But where I am now it’s very possible for me to beath this level. I will solve this puzzle and cross over to a new level. The higher you go the levels get a bit more difficult, but I am also growing and very capable.
I have a team that sees a lot in me. There’s future for sure and I know I can bring them to the highest levels. A collection, a runway? I have my mind buzzing with ideas. Less time, more ideas. I know I can stop time and I at the same time can’t at the same time. A year from now will be a different story. I have streaks I have been keeping and I know that nothing at this specific time is stopping me. A little work on the nervous system a day at a time. Sitting in the discomfort an hour at a time.
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