I am woman.

I am Man.

Yes, I am particularly bold.

I am feminine, and a bit of me is somewhat masculine.

I am strong. How can I forget this?

More robust than some men out there.

Probably it is the reason why they say I am Masculine.

I don’t wear dresses and skirts to work like most women/ladies, and that’s why a ‘supervisor’ of mine once said

‘I know you are a man.’

   I was shocked not at the audacity but the words. I wanted to ask what made him say that, but I agreed that that wasn’t my problem but his.

I settled on that after a few hours, and I, later on, took it as a compliment.

I have never wanted to know why he said the words, but the calmness I maintained gave me more reasons to view it as a compliment.

 I am a man; as a lady, I build my future

as a man would.

Listening to Chimamanda Ngozi, it’s like I am a feminist.

When I am on a romantic or platonic date with my men friends,

 I like to split the bill or even pay

in full.

I squat double weights that some men find very shocking. Also, they find it intimidating. In my school gym, once I took that bar and space, some would always watch from a distance, ready to save me. I noticed all this, and every time they saw me racking up more weights, they seemed to pay more attention. Some would fear me, knowing I squat better than men.

 I have a gym friend who pushes me to some significant limits. He persuades me to add more weight. When other females, or ladies, watch me work out, they always see it as an easy task. I always am willing to help out when they ask to try. So this day, a girl tried to pick a bar I was lifting, and she wouldn’t even lift it off the ground. Then she said, “Waah, it’s heavy; how are you doing that?” 

  The other three watched me squat, and they stared as if it were a miracle. “She is not even big, but she is so strong.” At that time, I am squatting 40 kgs; they haven’t seen me do 100kg when Kush is around.

There is a day we had planned to squat with Dante and another girl. Dave asked me what’s your PR, or rather what is the heaviest you go. I said 80-90, and I wondered, what about him? This is to plan the number of sets we will go and where to start. He said, “If you can go 80, I also have to get there”.

          He had to ensure that we were at the same level, or he would add a bit more than I did. He knows I am ‘perfect’ at squats. So, the girl went the first set, and we would reduce the weights for her to go on. And she asked, “how do you do that?” I have received this question a lot, and I usually say it’s a process. Dave answered and said, “This one is of a different breed.” And we all smile, and I say nothing.

I have so many stories, but all this has made me see that I am masculine in many eyes. In my eyes, too, I also confirm masculinity.

Being Feminine also we get shamed, or instead, it doesn’t change anything. You wear a short dress or skirt, and they stare at you. Others go ahead and say things from their mouths.

 Gender expectations- we expect women/ girls to do this, but in the real sense, we shouldn’t limit ourselves to things just because men are known to do it best. Or that women are the ones known to do that best. If you want to do it, go for it.

I have only heard of toxic masculinity, but I also want to cherish and also talk of toxic feminity.

EMAIL -joseywanjiru731@gmail.com

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